I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Randomize
