After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
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