I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
