I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Randomize
