So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Randomize