she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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