well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
