Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
