I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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