why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
