he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Found the puke drawer
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize