I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
