ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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