My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
