why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Princesses don't give blow jobs
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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