Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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