Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
A bitchslap is in order.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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