i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
