I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Randomize
