Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize