if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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