if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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