I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
dude i'm inner monologue high
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Randomize
