dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
