My first STD was from a foam party
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
