I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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