Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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