Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
hotel room ftw
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
