Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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