I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Randomize