idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
