; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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