i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
