yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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