im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
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