Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
