i wish my penis had a tongue
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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