Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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