He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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