8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
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