i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize