Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
