I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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