glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
