i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
She even gives head with a lisp.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
