1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
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