I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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