my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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