So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
