lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
