Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
