I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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