Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Randomize