I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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