so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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