who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
honey bunches of taint.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Randomize
