What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
