I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
