u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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