and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
