I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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