sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
