I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
