I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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