Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
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