Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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