when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
