a queef is a wish your heart makes.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
