Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
