How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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