hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize