You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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